Our past makes our present & our present makes our future. It is a simple statement, but so much more. Our lives are made up of experiences & expectations, ideas & insecurities, actions & reactions, all coming together to the moment we are currently in.
A couple weeks ago I went into 'the office' which is a term I use very loosely, as it is not my office, but my broker's office where I hang my real estate license...did you I know I still have that? Back from my 'real job days'...well yes. I still have it & it is still fun to me. Anyway, I went to 'the office' to pick up some paperwork, this, that & the other. It was on a bank holiday day & so Scot was home & I had to get up earlier than normal to shower, get dressed & 'go to work.' It was odd leaving the house all dolled up & him here with the kids in his pj's. Complete role reversal. I drove my 20 minutes out of suburbia & arrived at 'the office.' And felt like I was in the 'ghetto.' Mind you 'the ghetto' is a stone's throw from my old college campus that I attended year in & year out...not at all thinking it was the ghetto.
But now? Things have changed. I now live in suburbia with my own kids & rarely travel outside my little 3 mile radius of tree-lined streets & white picket fences. I wave to the same neighbors, borrow eggs from the same friends & trade kids with my sister. It struck me in that moment how quickly my perception had changed. How quickly the new became the norm & the old unfamiliar.
And that was just over a place. Not a person. Not an event. Just a location.
A few weeks after going to 'the office' I went out with Scot & some of his colleagues...who were mostly women. Some were married. Some had children. But all worked outside of the home full time. As they discussed nannies & work deadlines, I again felt out of sort. Mind you before kids, I had a 'real' job {that I really loved}, so I was surprised at my disconnect & inability to relate.
As they laughed about nannies going to story time deep down I wondered if they valued my choice to stay home. Deep down I wondered if they put me in the 'dumb blonde' category. Deep down I wondered if they thought I couldn't hold a job. Deep down I wondered what my perception was on them. Did they know it was a deliberate & real choice? A choice I looked forward to my whole life?
I got in the car & cried. And then I came home. To my tree-lined streets & white picket fences. To my neighbors & friends who have made the same choices as me. To my kids who teach me more everyday, than I teach them. And we did it all over again.
And while I will never know what my perception is on them, I do know that I am happy with my choice. I love my own 'co-workers' who are in the trenches with me. Who I can wholeheartedly relate to as we swap 'who was sick where' stories, favorite recipes & family vacations. And while my day-to-day is mostly unglamorous, it has it perks. They are items that don't show up on a stat sheet. The intangibles. The inside jokes with my 4 year-old, the 'will you snuggle me's' in the afternoon, the ability to understand exactly what my 2 year-old is saying & knowing just how she likes her blanket. They are small & simple, but deep down, I don't want to be anywhere else.
I am choosing this. And this makes me happy.
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2 comments:
Nice post Amy. A lot of us mom's who work outside the home wonder if stay at home moms look at us as "bad moms" etc. because we chose (or had) to work. I think everyone has to do what is right for their family and that we should respect each other for it!
Hey Cindy! I couldn't agree more. I was thinking more about it today & wondering how working moms do it all. How the time & stresses are managed & how you go from thinking about work to thinking about home & everything in between. It is a lot!
Funny that I am wondering if working moms are thinking I'm an idiot & you're wondering if stay home moms are thinking you're a bad mom - when in reality, we are all moms doing the best we can. All a matter of perspective, right?!?
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