Sunday, January 16, 2011

2011: Choosing Happiness

I am 16 days into my 'experiment' which I wonder if it is an experiment if I am about 100% certain of the outcome? Yes? No? Discuss.

Okay don't. {Did that little banter bring back the SNL skit, Coffee Talk? that skit}

Okay, back to my experiment that I am not sure is an experiment. First off, I have to admit, some days my actual choices are better than others. The thought of 'choosing happiness' is always there. Writing it down & putting it out here has given it a permanent little spot in the front of my brain. So it always occurs to me to choose happiness. I just don't always choose it, or more accurately, I am not always sure what to do to choose it.

For example, Scot went snowboarding this weekend. It was a quick leave Friday night, be back Saturday night. He went with my dad & brother & I really wanted to go. In fact, I could not believe how bad I wanted to go. My legs ached to be on skiis in the snow, but Scoobs had a soccer game & soccer pics & my heart was there & I just could bring myself to miss it. Have I told you he is a soccer star on the field? The smallest guy out there with these neon green soccer shoes {that are hideous, but he loves}, tearing it up? Oh man. There is nothing better than to see him play so hard. So in making the choice to stay home, I felt like I was choosing happiness. And the game was happy. And I was happy with my choice.

But it wasn't always easy.

Come 5 pm on Saturday night. Mama was not happy. And I don't even know why. The kids were fine. The weather was nice. I made the kids dinner & the Lady went & found a blanket all on her own & stood by the back door, telling me she wanted to eat outside. What is not to love about that? What is not to be happy about that? These thoughts even occurred to me as it was happening. But still. Not feeling happy. Okay I take that back. I am always 'happy' with things like that, but it was dinner time & there was no husband all day & frankly, I just did not want to do it. Not one bit.

So I thought.

Then I called my mom hoping she'd have some awesome plans for me to tag along to{remember, my dad & bro were skiing too} and she didn't answer.

So, naturally, I called her 10 more times, with the same result.

Then I tried a few babysitters & called my mom again...still no answer & no babysitter & frankly, no plans!

I didn't even have anywhere to go, but I was determined to get myself dressed & do something because I was going a little insane {not literally insane, but insane, you know? Yes? No? Please tell me yes.}

So I tried one more babysitter...can I pick you up in 30 minutes? Perfect.

Now with what to do...okay I figured all that out & it doesn't even matter.

But I went out & Scot thought I was a little weird, but you know what? It totally helped.

I got home an hour after Scot got home, the kids were in bed, I was dressed, I was refreshed & I was so happy to see him, because frankly, I missed him on our usual Saturday night date night.

And somehow the choice to call a babysitter helped me to be happy. And maybe getting a babysitter was a cop out on my part, but maybe not.

If I replay the night with no babysitter, Scot would have come home to a pj clad wife who was tired & grumpy that he'd been gone all day. When really that isn't how I felt about him going at all. In fact, I was thrilled for him to go & the babysitter allowed me to re-focus & be happy for his fun.

And I guess what I am trying to say in all this, is that I thought choosing happiness would always be fun & easy. I mean the result is happiness right? Why wouldn't that be an easy choice? Just be happy. I have everything to be happy about, but at 5 pm on Saturday, I could not see a way out of my funk & yet somehow, all I needed was a bit of a break & choosing to allow myself a break, meant I was choosing happiness.

Even if it did feel like a bit of a cop out.

Maybe giving yourself a break once in a while adds up to happiness. It worked for me.

1 comment:

Amberly said...

not a cop out, a good choice. hope you had a blast, thanks for thinking of me. love you!

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