Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Intangibles.

We are almost 6 weeks into Mr. Man.  6 weeks!  6 weeks and he is already in 3-6mos clothes.  I can't believe it myself...and yet I've lived it.  And I think we've lived it well so far...all things considered.  Today as I folded my 6th load of laundry {I was a bit behind in the folding department} I got to thinking about this little place here.  Right here.  Where I try to put my best face forward & realized I had nothing noteworthy to post.  I was folding my 6th load of laundry for heaven's sake! Who wants to hear about that?  Isn't the internet where we go to escape those responsibilities?  

And then I started feeling sorry for myself...well that had started earlier, but with time to think I felt sorry for myself that my husband has a job that keeps him busy 50 hours a week.  Sorry for myself that I was sitting showered & clean, in my gym clothes...wishing they were wet with sweat.  Sorry for myself that my kids were happily entertained with neighborhood friends, running in & out with wet feet & leaving the door open for dare they!  Sorry for myself that my husband has had the opportunity to get his MBA over the last 18mos...taking him away night after painful newborn night.

And then I stopped.

I didn't want to feel sorry for myself.  Why should I be sorry that my time is spent folding laundry?  Washing dishes?  Wiping bums?  Disciplining?  Making dinner?  Washing sheets?  Taking out the trash?  Playing make believe?

As I folded I thought.  These are the intangibles.  The day in & day out stuff that has to get done.  The jobs that don't show up on a stat sheet.  They are not featured on the nightly news, nor is their a red carpet awards ceremony for them.  They don't appear here to dazzle you with their design.  They don't require make-up, or the latest fashion.  They don't capture well on film, but they are the very essence of what life it made up of.

Sticky floors & superheros.  Tying shoes & taking turns.  Making lunch & missed naps.  All of it.  The stuff behind the scenes.  The wiping of tears, the brushing of teeth, the potty treats, the mad search for the missing shoe -- all those things just to get out the door to face the day!  

No wonder I started feeling sorry for myself.  The thought of it all is overwhelming.  And yet, I wouldn't want to do anything else.  And why do what I want to do the most feeling sorry for myself?  While I have new ideas dancing in my head & while my fingers ache to be on my keyboard...laundry, sadly, has to come first...or at least, tenth.

As I folded, I continued to think.  How to get out of my 'sorry for myself' rut of the moment.  I knew just thinking I 'should' get out of it, wasn't going to be enough.  You have to remember, I'm still up at all hours & haven't seen my husband in days...literally.  My kids had had friends over all day, the Lady didn't take her nap that I had planned on, which meant I didn't get one either.  Mr. Man had an off day & did I mention I spent the day in sweats walking on sticky floors?  Never a good idea for your self-esteem in my opinion. 

And so I moved my iPod from my kids' room to the kitchen & turned on some of my favorite 'happy' music.  It is instrumental & I have a few favorites, but they always restore some peace to my soul.  It is amazing to me how quickly that one thing can change my mood.  Suddenly, I was delighted at the mess being made in my yard because it meant my kids were using their imaginations, and heck, they weren't bored & bugging me while I folded.  And changing the sheets became a game with the Lady of hide & seek & tickling toes. 

And suddenly, life didn't seem so bad.

And while in this little space here, it might seem like I have disappeared, know I've gone to a happy place & I'll be back.  For a month I've supposedly 'taken off' I have a stack of new designs to get photographed & posted.  And it will happen...someday.

Until then...I'm here in sweats with sticky floors & a cute girl to giggle with.  You should hear her tell me I'm her favorite makes all that laundry worth it.


Natalie said... have a gift to write! i loved this post. it was worded perfectly. we all feel that way. music can heal so much. i try to remind myself to "slow down" opposed to hurry get the dishes done, the floors done, the laundry done...WHY? just like you said, there's no red carpet waiting for us. i won't lie, it DOES make us feel better, but somedays we need to allow the children's happiness to make us feel better. its not always about crossing things off our daily list that matter. especially in the lord's eyes.

you are doing great. i love your attitude. could little amy be growing up??

BrownEyedGirlsMom said...

Great post for the upcoming Mother's Day! The hardest job in the world and you do it so well!

Debbie said...

Well said...I'm am proud of you! You are a great Mom and don't wish it away. Good Girl!

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