Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Running Too Fast.
Somehow I woke up and am in the middle of my life. I have 3 kids, I'm 30 and I drive a minivan. I have a son in kindergarten & I remember when I was in kindergarten. People rely on me to keep them alive & be responsible in the midst of it. I have a water bill, a mortgage & require a babysitter to go on a date.
Somehow, I became the adult & I can't for the life of me pinpoint when that happened. I remember being a 'young' adult. In college with a job that paid my 'bills' and allowed me the freedom to go & do as I pleased.
Now my primary description is mom. And let me tell you something: It's a little nuts. This might come across as insensitive & selfish, but when I lie in bed at night, my thoughts don't typically revolve around my kids. Instead, I'm usually thinking about this little spot here...my designs...my business & what I can do with it. It's kept me up at night more than I'd like to admit, but that is usually the best time for me to think without interruptions. I come up with all sorts of good ideas & things to do, but then I wake up & I'm mom again.
Mom who is still trying to be Amy at the same time. Mom who is trying to make dinner & design too. And I wonder if that is good.
I caught myself in bed just this week, drumming up all sorts of plans, not for my family, but for my business & then I thought, "I'm really weird. Is this okay? Do my friends do this too? Am I a bad mom for lying in bed thinking about this, instead of them?"
Trust me, I have plenty of family & kid related things I could lay in bed and probably solve after a few nights of deep thoughts, but instead, I'm here.
And every morning when I wake up and become Mom again, I have to re-find my balance & it is frustrating to me. It's frustrating to have all these thoughts & ideas that have to just sit for a time because there are not enough hours in the day or gas in the tank.
I've had a scripture running through my head as I've been frustrated again & again this week. It is in Doctrine & Covenants and was revelation given to Joseph Smith as he was translating the Book of Mormon. He we counseled by the Lord:
"Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided to enable you to translate; but be diligent unto the end."
And so if it was good enough for Joseph Smith, I suppose it is good enough for me. I know that when I put Mom first, somehow Heavenly Father allows enough time for Amy as well. Funny how when I try to balance it myself, it never works.
How many times am I going to have to learn this?
With Mother's Day just around the corner I thought I'd share my Mother's Day cards for this year. Mother's Day always seems...
Whether you admit it or not, we all know that the cheapest, most bang for you buck place to print your photos & printables is Cos...
If you're like me, you've mailed your cards, your inches away from being completely DONE on Christmas shopping & maybe yo...
Have you met my sister? If not, let me tell you that she is the party planning extraordinaire. Really. And sometimes I am right there wi...
This wedding seems like it took place ages ago, but in reality it was just this past fall. I did this wedding when I was in the haze of...