What good have I done?

This past Sunday one of the speakers spoke about living a consecrated life.  In a general sense this means all our time, talents & efforts are used to bring others to Christ.  Now, does that mean dinner goes uncooked?   Or children go unbathed?  No.  But hopefully you get the idea.  It applies more so, in our thoughts, words & actions...are all those helping others come to know Christ?  Let me tell you something?  I could use some work...as I'm sure you've noticed.

Anyway, he shared some thoughts from one of President Monson's addresses in 2009 & they've stuck.  This little tidbit in particular:

"A few years ago I read an article written by Jack McConnell, MD. He grew up in the hills of southwest Virginia in the United States as one of seven children of a Methodist minister and a stay-at-home mother. Their circumstances were very humble. He recounted that during his childhood, every day as the family sat around the dinner table, his father would ask each one in turn, “And what did you do for someone today?” ¹ The children were determined to do a good turn every day so they could report to their father that they had helped someone. Dr. McConnell calls this exercise his father’s most valuable legacy, for that expectation and those words inspired him and his siblings to help others throughout their lives. As they grew and matured, their motivation for providing service changed to an inner desire to help others."  For the full talk, go here.

And so, remember my goal about actually having Family Night each Monday?  Well here is where we focused our thoughts this past Monday.  And while my 5 and almost 3 year-old can only grasp this concept in its very simplest form, I'm grateful for the opportunity to give it more focus.  And so, of course, this had to translate to paper.

 

I changed the wording around a little bit to coincide with one of my favorite primary songs, Have I Done Any Good in the World Today...but I can't quite decide which design I like better.  And while I already have it written on the chalkboard in my kitchen...I figure I need to have it printed on paper as well.  Again...can't decide.  Which one do you like best?

2011: Choosing Happiness

A few things that have made me happy...in no particular order:

~ The Lady has graduated to a toddler bed.  Scoobs has taken this as a huge accomplishment & he jumps in to help at bedtime & naptime everyday.  His role?  Just as soon as she is laying down he is by her side singing, "I am a Child of God." 

~ The Lady loves her toddler bed & so do I.  I can tell her to go get in bed & believe or not...she does!

~ Hardwork.  This past week the kids & I have been projecting.  And by projecting I mean about 4 different 'big' projects at once.  I am bone tired every night & it feels good.  Not to mention the progress that is being made.

~ Evening swims.  Capping off long days of hard work with an evening swim is just perfect.

~ Flowers.  Yes I am crazy & yes I have recently planted flowers in 115 degree heat.  So what.  I like them.

And now?  I am off to play games with Scoobs. 

2011: Choosing Happiness

In my quest for choosing happiness this year, I've found that I've spent an awful lot of time trying to teach my kids to choose happiness as well.  Which really translates into being grateful & content.  When Scoobs comes home from Kung Fu Panda 2 with his dad only to exclaim, "That's not fair that the Lady got to have a Popsicle while I was gone!" I want to scream because instead I want him to be happy for his experience & also be happy for his sister's. 

As I've recognized this in my children, I've found it is so easy to fall into that same pattern in my own life.  Sometimes I get the 'I wants.'  I want x. I want y. I want z.  When in reality, I need nothing more.  Honestly.  Nothing. 

I've found part of choosing happiness is choosing to be content with what is before you.  Choosing to be grateful for the little things that are the most important.

And when I choose contentment, I choose happiness.

And happy girls are always the prettiest.

I think this will end up in the Lady's room all too soon.  And perhaps a print on my nightstand as well as a not-so-gentle reminder.

You can get your print here.

More graduation announcements on Monday.

Deep Thoughts: Choosing Happiness 2011

For those of you just joining us, my 'experiment' for 2011 has been to choose happiness.  And by choose I mean for me to make conscious choices that reflect my desire to be happy.  Which isn't to say I'm not happy now, or that I have been unhappy but more so to see how my choices work in that process.  To see where I have control of my own destiny.

I'm going back to Scoobs & the basketball situation.  Which I know is old news, but if you missed it...catch up here & here.  I'm going back to this because I learned a lot in that experience.  I have found that I learn gospel principles the best within the own framework of my family.  For instance, I learn about my relationship with my Heavenly Father by comparing it to the relationship with my own father & that of mine with my own kids.  Meaning, the parent child dynamics are the same. They way I feel about my kids, Heavenly Father feels about me, but perfectly.  I learn about my relationship with the Savior on a lot of different familial relationships, but again, most prominently with my parents & with my kids' interactions with each other on a sibling level.

So back to basketball.  I love the quote, "Trust Your Struggle."  It is a bit melancholy but so profound to me.  I have found it easiest to NOT choose happiness in the midst of my struggles.  But in reality I think our struggles makes happiness all the sweeter.  And I think I can be happy in my struggles. 

I learned a lot about my relationship with my Savior while trying to advocate for Scoobs in his basketball situation.  What was I willing to protect him from?  What did I want him to learn?  What experiences would help him learn those things?  What was too much for him?  At what point was I willing to take the fall for him? 

All questions I asked myself in regards to the basketball situation.  And if I'm being honest, a big part of my hesitation was that I did not want to make the phone call to pull him from the team.  I did not want it to be viewed as failure {to a team of people I met 1 time & would likely never see again.  Yes.  I did not want them to view us as failures.  dumb.  I know}.  But in processing this & asking myself all these questions, I learned that the Savior does the same for us.

What is He willing to protect us from?
What does He want us to learn?
What experiences will help us learn those things?
What is too much for us?
At what point is He willing to take the fall for us?

When I take the time to look at my struggles through the eyes of a loving parent helping His child to learn, it is easy to trust my struggle.  It is easy to shoulder it in happiness...even when I don't understand why.  Because as I struggle I know their is a loving Savior that is willing to shoulder the burden with me.  Just as I am willing to shoulder the burden with Scoobs.  And to be honest, I've had enough struggles to know the quicker I come to acceptance & happiness about it, the sooner I can find myself feeling like I'm on the other side {even when I'm really not!}.

And that feels like happiness to me.

Post Edit:  Did this post make you feel like I have a laundry list of struggles?  Because know, that I know how very blessed we are.  We live in abundance in every sense of the word & I don't want to pretend it is otherwise.  We have food on the table, a roof over our heads & no major health issues. 

From Where I Stand.

Our past makes our present & our present makes our future.  It is a simple statement, but so much more.  Our lives are made up of experiences & expectations, ideas & insecurities, actions & reactions, all coming together to the moment we are currently in.

A couple weeks ago I went into 'the office' which is a term I use very loosely, as it is not my office, but my broker's office where I hang my real estate license...did you I know I still have that?  Back from my 'real job days'...well yes.  I still have it & it is still fun to me.  Anyway, I went to 'the office' to pick up some paperwork, this, that & the other.  It was on a bank holiday day & so Scot was home & I had to get up earlier than normal to shower, get dressed & 'go to work.'  It was odd leaving the house all dolled up & him here with the kids in his pj's.  Complete role reversal.  I drove my 20 minutes out of suburbia & arrived at 'the office.'  And felt like I was in the 'ghetto.'  Mind you 'the ghetto' is a stone's throw from my old college campus that I attended year in & year out...not at all thinking it was the ghetto.

But now?  Things have changed.  I now live in suburbia with my own kids & rarely travel outside my little 3 mile radius of tree-lined streets & white picket fences.  I wave to the same neighbors, borrow eggs from the same friends & trade kids with my sister.  It struck me in that moment how quickly my perception had changed.  How quickly the new became the norm & the old unfamiliar.

And that was just over a place.  Not a person.  Not an event.  Just a location.

A few weeks after going to 'the office' I went out with Scot & some of his colleagues...who were mostly women.  Some were married.  Some had children.  But all worked outside of the home full time.  As they discussed nannies & work deadlines, I again felt out of sort.  Mind you before kids, I had a 'real' job {that I really loved}, so I was surprised at my disconnect & inability to relate.

As they laughed about nannies going to story time deep down I wondered if they valued my choice to stay home.  Deep down I wondered if they put me in the 'dumb blonde' category.  Deep down I wondered if they thought I couldn't hold a job.  Deep down I wondered what my perception was on them.  Did they know it was a deliberate & real choice?  A choice I looked forward to my whole life?

I got in the car & cried.  And then I came home.  To my tree-lined streets & white picket fences.  To my neighbors & friends who have made the same choices as me.  To my kids who teach me more everyday, than I teach them.  And we did it all over again. 

And while I will never know what my perception is on them, I do know that I am happy with my choice.  I love my own 'co-workers' who are in the trenches with me.  Who I can wholeheartedly relate to as we swap 'who was sick where' stories, favorite recipes & family vacations.  And while my day-to-day is mostly unglamorous, it has it perks.  They are items that don't show up on a stat sheet.  The intangibles.  The inside jokes with my 4 year-old, the 'will you snuggle me's' in the afternoon, the ability to understand exactly what my 2 year-old is saying & knowing just how she likes her blanket.  They are small & simple, but deep down, I don't want to be anywhere else.

I am choosing this.  And this makes me happy. 

2011: Choosing Happiness

Come what may...and love it.

This saying has been going through my head for quite some time & it pertains perfectly to my goal of choosing happiness in 2011...whatever the circumstances.

And while I do love it, I cannot claim 'ownership' of it or the idea of it. {But I can claim action on it.} The phrase comes from a family friend who I actually haven't ever met in person, if that makes any sense. We live just blocks away & her mom quilts with my mom, but she is a good 6 or 7 years younger than me, so our paths never once crossed. But I've been impressed with her from afar.

You see she has faced 'serious' trials over the last year. Not my 'trivial' inconveniences that I try to classify as 'trials' which don't really even come close. You see last year, she was set to get married, dress shopping done, invites sent, the whole deal. She had been suffering from severe headaches & went to see her family doctor, who also happens to be mine & lives in the same neighborhood as my parents & her parents. She went just to rule out anything major & long story {that isn't mine} short, she was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer.

I remember first hearing about it at the salon of all places. My network of people is all very interconnected & my hairstylist that I went to high school with grew up just blocks from her as well & well, we all really love her & her family.

My hairstylist told me she had a blog & after calling my mom to confirm that it was all actually true, I got online.

And then I cried.

I cried because she was so young & good. She oozes goodness. I cried because she was so brave. I cried because her fiance stood by her side, flying to SanFran for brain surgery with her & insisting the wedding carry on. I cried because she bumped up her bridal pictures so she'd still have her hair. I cried because this army of people came together to produce one incredible wedding. I cried because she was still happy, brain cancer & all. Not happy about having brain cancer, but happy to face the challenge.

And that is inspiring.

She'd sign a lot of her posts, "Come what may & love it." I thought it very profound. We really have no control over most of the things around us so why not succumb? Why not adjust our expectations & embrace our 'everyday' challenges? Instead of trying to manage, control & fix, why not find our joy in the mess?

I wanted to have something in my home to remind me. Because for some reason, I forget all. the. time. how very blessed I am. I forget to be a little patient. I forget to use a kind voice. I forget to show gratitude. I forget, or more accurately, I fast forward to impatient & sharp words. And I don't want to forget or fast forward. I want to linger a little longer & be a little softer when those trivial trials pop up...because in our trials we find our strength & in finding our strength we find happiness.

Come what may & love it.

To keep up with Tara & her fight...go here.

2011: Choosing Happiness

I am 16 days into my 'experiment' which I wonder if it is an experiment if I am about 100% certain of the outcome? Yes? No? Discuss.

Okay don't. {Did that little banter bring back the SNL skit, Coffee Talk? hil.ar.ious. that skit}

Okay, back to my experiment that I am not sure is an experiment. First off, I have to admit, some days my actual choices are better than others. The thought of 'choosing happiness' is always there. Writing it down & putting it out here has given it a permanent little spot in the front of my brain. So it always occurs to me to choose happiness. I just don't always choose it, or more accurately, I am not always sure what to do to choose it.

For example, Scot went snowboarding this weekend. It was a quick leave Friday night, be back Saturday night. He went with my dad & brother & I really wanted to go. In fact, I could not believe how bad I wanted to go. My legs ached to be on skiis in the snow, but Scoobs had a soccer game & soccer pics & my heart was there & I just could bring myself to miss it. Have I told you he is a soccer star on the field? The smallest guy out there with these neon green soccer shoes {that are hideous, but he loves}, tearing it up? Oh man. There is nothing better than to see him play so hard. So in making the choice to stay home, I felt like I was choosing happiness. And the game was happy. And I was happy with my choice.

But it wasn't always easy.

Come 5 pm on Saturday night. Mama was not happy. And I don't even know why. The kids were fine. The weather was nice. I made the kids dinner & the Lady went & found a blanket all on her own & stood by the back door, telling me she wanted to eat outside. What is not to love about that? What is not to be happy about that? These thoughts even occurred to me as it was happening. But still. Not feeling happy. Okay I take that back. I am always 'happy' with things like that, but it was dinner time & there was no husband all day & frankly, I just did not want to do it. Not one bit.

So I thought.

Then I called my mom hoping she'd have some awesome plans for me to tag along to{remember, my dad & bro were skiing too} and she didn't answer.

So, naturally, I called her 10 more times, with the same result.

Then I tried a few babysitters & called my mom again...still no answer & no babysitter & frankly, no plans!

I didn't even have anywhere to go, but I was determined to get myself dressed & do something because I was going a little insane {not literally insane, but insane, you know? Yes? No? Please tell me yes.}

So I tried one more babysitter...can I pick you up in 30 minutes? Perfect.

Now with what to do...okay I figured all that out & it doesn't even matter.

But I went out & Scot thought I was a little weird, but you know what? It totally helped.

I got home an hour after Scot got home, the kids were in bed, I was dressed, I was refreshed & I was so happy to see him, because frankly, I missed him on our usual Saturday night date night.

And somehow the choice to call a babysitter helped me to be happy. And maybe getting a babysitter was a cop out on my part, but maybe not.

If I replay the night with no babysitter, Scot would have come home to a pj clad wife who was tired & grumpy that he'd been gone all day. When really that isn't how I felt about him going at all. In fact, I was thrilled for him to go & the babysitter allowed me to re-focus & be happy for his fun.

And I guess what I am trying to say in all this, is that I thought choosing happiness would always be fun & easy. I mean the result is happiness right? Why wouldn't that be an easy choice? Just be happy. I have everything to be happy about, but at 5 pm on Saturday, I could not see a way out of my funk & yet somehow, all I needed was a bit of a break & choosing to allow myself a break, meant I was choosing happiness.

Even if it did feel like a bit of a cop out.

Maybe giving yourself a break once in a while adds up to happiness. It worked for me.

2011: Choosing Happiness

I am 5 days into my experiment with 'choosing happiness'. I am convinced that I can control my happiness through conscious choices each day & moment & this is my experiment this year.

Yesterday was a doozy. Scoobs preschool was not in session & somehow I had missed the memo. I was planning on that time on my computer while the lady was napping. Instead I had a crying 3-year-old who needed my whole attention. I decided to succumb...even if it wasn't totally happy, in fact, I totally missed a few opportunities there & cried on the phone to Scot instead. Then my sister needed to drop her 4 kids off after naps. I was happy to have them, but you all know that adds some chaos to the dinner mix. I ordered pizzas. Then Scot called & was going to be working late. I was on my own for bedtime.

And I had a choice what I was going to do with it.

When this has happened in the past, I have completely skipped bedtime routines. Baths? Maybe. PJ's? for sure. Stories? Not a chance.

Last night I decided to keep the bedtime routines to a 't'. I made the choice to follow through because a lot of those things are important to me in the big picture & I decided I could muscle through it last night...even though I was tired & had a mountain of things to do on the other side of bedtime {which I will inform you didn't get done}.

So we bathed. We blow-dryed {yes! her hair needs blow drying!}. We pj'ed. We storied. And we rocked. Even on a good night the lady doesn't 'usually' get rocked. But I kind of wanted the breather & Scoobs had a little picking up to do before our story time was to begin. So I sat & I rocked.

And I felt the love. It was a moment. A moment when I realized how quickly time is passing me by when I saw her legs stretching over the arm of the rocker adorned with her painted toenails. I wanted to die & never leave that moment right then and there

And while I was singing to her, Scoobs sauntered in, sat on the ottoman & joined in loving on his sister. He picked a few songs & gave her lots of hugs & kisses & that is when I about melted & decided this IS happiness. It is the intangibles that don't show up on a stat sheet. It isn't an awesome 4 hour nap that our toddler took, or a new shirt we found at a killer price {although some days it is!}, it is the moments when I am with my kids & all our spirits are aligned & we can just be.

Note to self: Bedtime routines rock! Choose that.

2011: Choosing Happiness

I will get to Christmas & the rest of Christmas cards, as well as our trip to the coast & New Year's celebrations...but for now, we are starting off 2011. We are moving forward even if the past isn't all sorted & cleared up & tied in a nice bow.

That is part of my goals for 2011...keep moving forward, even if there are a few nagging details that have gone undone.

But that is not what this post is about. This post is about what I am really focusing on for 2011. As part of my Christmas to myself this year, I bought a 1 year subscription to Real Simple.

The first issue came & its cover was splashed with 'be happier' this year, with 9 new ways to be happy. I kind of laughed to myself at the thought that Real Simple had finally unlocked the power of happiness & were now doling out all the details of how each of us could get there.

It just isn't that simple.

And being a religious person, Real Simple is not my 'guide' for happiness, not even on the spectrum for determining my happiness, or giving me the secret to unlock that happiness. I know my own happiness comes from within myself, within the framework of my family & relationship with God.

But of course I read all 9 of those new strategies to being happy, and frankly they have some good points. At the very least it has spurred me on to my own thoughts within my own framework.

I've always said, Happiness is a choice, but I've also always lived in circumstances where that choice may appear easy {I assure you there have been trials & challenges...you may just not know about them}. But alas, even given my own trials & challenges, I still live in circumstances where that choice is 'easy.' In the whole big scheme of the big wide world, I get that my life is so very blessed & maybe that is why happiness is an easy choice for me to make.

But in 2011 I want to put it to the test. How often can I choose happiness? What strategies can I come up with that work at 5:30 when I am in the middle of cooking dinner & everyone is going freak crazy {for lack of a better term}? Can I choose happiness then?

So far this morning, a few things I have done to 'actively' choose happiness.

When I woke up at 5:45 {after going to bed post midnight} & couldn't get back to sleep, I just decided to get up & get on with my day. I don't like being a night owl & this morning the shift has begun back to my morning person self. And I didn't even plan it all out & worry about it. Perfect. Instead of worrying about being tired at 3 pm, I am going to assume Heavenly Father with answer that prayer for strength, and then I am going to be early tonight.

After perusing a few things online, I remembered my goal to actively choose happiness. I know my happiness is rooted in my relationship with God. So I opened up & began reading some Conference talks...my favorites.

And now? I am here. Writing it. Another thing that helps me keep it all in perspective & allows my to organize my thoughts & remember my aim.

Some come along for the ride, or keep clicking, but here's to choosing happiness.